|
|
|
|
|
|
Happy Holidays from Interactive Lunacy Breaking Story: Christmas Merges with Chanukah Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and
Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the
works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. |
|
While details were not available at press time, it is believed
that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days
of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the
fifteen days of "Christmukah", as the new holiday is being
called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking
being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the
dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus
becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there", the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens". In exchange, it is believed that the
Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and this vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one
of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was
the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for
Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last
year when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides
appeared happy about this. A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to
say whether a take over of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He
merely pointed out that, if it were not for the independent existence of
Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as
an unfair cornering of the holiday market. "Fortunately for all
concerned," he said, "Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance." He
then closed the press conference by leading all present is a rousing rendition
of "Oy Come
All Ye Faithful". |
|
